22 Jul 11:13

I was already in favour of keeping meetings as short as possible but I’m becoming downright militant now that I have to turn my fan off for them.

28 Jun 17:23

I think we all know Michael Gove likes the Tories, it’s hardly front-page news.

27 Jun 12:37

I highly recommend buying a manual coffee grinder. Not because it improves your coffee, but because it provides the opportunity to say ‘Where’s me crank?’ in a variety of silly voices.

27 Jun 09:47

Sign my petition to make it illegal for the last word of a children’s book to be ‘again’.

21 Jun 21:24

Thought I was doing quite well today on limited sleep but I’ve just spent fifteen minutes trying to remember the word ‘contingency’.

21 Jun 18:44

When asked to retract, he doubled down, insisting that ‘He does, he likes to put them in his mouth, doesn’t he’. A judge will not look kindly on this.

21 Jun 18:41

My son has started spreading the defamatory claim that Daddy likes to eat the stringy bits off bananas. I am exploring legal options.

21 Jun 16:39

If they weren’t going to hold Prime Day on 2021-01-01 then they shouldn’t have bothered holding it at all.

07 Jun 20:41

Looks gritty

05 Jun 11:46

Not sure why the lateral flow test kits come with a complimentary plastic fish of soy sauce but it’s disgusting