I was already in favour of keeping meetings as short as possible but I’m becoming downright militant now that I have to turn my fan off for them.

I think we all know Michael Gove likes the Tories, it’s hardly front-page news.

I highly recommend buying a manual coffee grinder. Not because it improves your coffee, but because it provides the opportunity to say ‘Where’s me crank?’ in a variety of silly voices.

Sign my petition to make it illegal for the last word of a children’s book to be ‘again’.

Thought I was doing quite well today on limited sleep but I’ve just spent fifteen minutes trying to remember the word ‘contingency’.

When asked to retract, he doubled down, insisting that ‘He does, he likes to put them in his mouth, doesn’t he’. A judge will not look kindly on this.

My son has started spreading the defamatory claim that Daddy likes to eat the stringy bits off bananas. I am exploring legal options.

If they weren’t going to hold Prime Day on 2021-01-01 then they shouldn’t have bothered holding it at all.

Looks gritty

Not sure why the lateral flow test kits come with a complimentary plastic fish of soy sauce but it’s disgusting