I have now meditated at least once a day for 134 consecutive days. This is no kind of milestone. I know it isn’t, because I understand numbers, but also because my meditation app has not sent me a little notification and is still telling me that my next milestone is in 7 days. It also tells me that I have, so far, reached seventeen milestones, which it helpfully lists as: 10 consecutive days; 10 consecutive days (again); 20 consecutive days; 30 consecutive days; 40 consecutive days; 50 consecutive days; 60 consecutive days; 70 consecutive days; 80 consecutive days; 90 consecutive days; 100 consecutive days; 110 consecutive days; 120 consecutive days; 130 consecutive days; 50 days with a meditation; 100 days with a meditation; and 150 days with a meditation. It is partly to spite my meditation app that I am writing this on a day with so little numerical significance. If my meditation app had a cheery cartoon panda who reminded me to meditate, I would hate him deeply and personally, and then I would sincerely wish him to be free from suffering.

It’s important for me to meditate because my brain processes stress like a Henry Hoover. It just sucks it all up with a great big smile, until it’s holding onto so much crap that it chokes up and catches fire.1 I need to empty it out regularly to keep it running. This is a valuable lesson, and one I would be begrudgingly grateful to the cartoon panda for his part in teaching, if he existed. To all the non-cartoon non-pandas who have helped me reach the hugely significant 134-day mark without any unpleasant burning smells or costly repairs, thank you.

And if anyone can recommend an app that will get me into the habit of emptying my actual vacuum cleaner, please let me know.

  1. A genuine Numatic Henry or Hetty vacuum cleaner features a thermal cut-out to ensure your safety and prevent any permanent damage to the motor. The author regrets any implication that Henry is unreliable, dangerous or a product of Hoover or Techtronic Industries; it’s just the only one with a big smiley face. 

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