31 Dec 20:03

Searching for and blocking everyone who posts ‘Happy 2020’ at 20 past

29 Dec 20:16

Just discovered I’ve booked the 2nd and 3rd off work. Thanks, past Mark!

28 Dec 09:53

My fitness tracker has just congratulated me on setting a two-week personal best for number of steps taken. It does not understand Christmas.

21 Dec 14:13

Brexit was inevitable. We just don’t share Europe’s passion for ham.

19 Dec 17:00

Gave blood successfully! Then immediately fainted when I started reading the email about fainting.

16 Dec 14:44

If my campaign of posting a turd in a Jiffy bag to every constituency office is pissing off all sides, I must be doing something right.

14 Dec 11:23

Labour folk on all sides are so busy rushing to defend their preexisting positions that they can’t see the obvious truth: we would have won if we had promised to nationalise sausages.

13 Dec 10:59

So when a Conservative PM whose main political interest is self-promotion wins a majority reliant on working-class voters in northern towns by making an undeliverable promise to make Brexit go away, what the hell happens next? Because I have no clue.

13 Dec 07:44

So does Johnson actually have any kind of ideological project he’ll use this win to implement, or can we expect five years of government driven solely by his immense vanity?

12 Dec 21:55

Might go and hide in the fridge.